This the first edition of Ask Pope Aaron. If you have any questions for the Future Pope email your questions to firstname.lastname@example.org. Remember that all prayers should be sent directly to God and that all questions about the meaning of life should be sent to the Dali Lama.
I think the next Pope needs to be more in touch with the youth. Is Aaron media savvy?
Teddy – Winter Park, Colorado
Is 37 twitter followers media savvy enough for you, Teddy? I think so.
Boxers or Briefs?
Amy – Dublin, Ohio
How’s it going Amy. I’ll send you a picture to your email later but to answer your questions, Boxers from Brooks Brothers.
How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop?
Corey – Cupertino, California
Corey I don’t know the answer to this but I do know that you don’t want to ask an owl.
What do you think about the situation with the Eastern side of the Church?
Roberta – Long Island, New York
Roberta, thank you for the question. I no longer own a compass so I’m not sure what direction the eastern side of the church is but I do know that if it is like my home basilica then it is just as nice as the other three directions.
If elected as the next Pope, how will you handle celibate life?
Mark – Arcadia, Florida
It’s no secret that I’ve never had much luck with the ladies so far in my 24 years but I won’t let that stop me from reversing earlier doctrine and allowing clergy to marry. It would be a shame to have the power that the office of the Papacy provides and not be able to take advantage of all the loose women throwing themselves at me.